The Parental Dilemma: How Do I Manage My Kids' Social Media Usage?
*If you haven’t read my previous blog post on the “Social Dilemma” pause here and do that first. The rest of this post will make a lot more sense if you do.
We know that social media can be problematic if we don’t help our kids become savvy consumers. At a level beyond the effects of social media on teenagers, “The Social Dilemma” is a rallying cry to sensible people who want to prevent a hyper-polarized future, in which democracies can’t address the toughest problems because citizens lack a shared understanding of what’s true. If this leaves you wondering what to do, the filmmakers created a robust set of tools and actions you can initiate: click here to find it.
In terms of what to do as a parent, here are some suggestions:
Talk with your kids. Here are some conversation starters that might engage them (in order of increasing sophistication):
The main speaker said, “If we don’t agree on what is true, or that there is such a thing as truth, we’re toast.” What do you think that means? What’s an issue where people seem to have their own, conflicting ideas of what’s true? What problems does that create?
Help me understand how social media creates “unrealistic standards of beauty” How do companies like Instagram make more money from that? What effects does that have on people?
One of the tech insiders said, “False information makes the companies more money than the truth.” Why is that? Why does it matter?
What do you think this quote about social media means: “If you’re not paying for the product, then you are the product.”
(Follow-up: Does it matter that social media companies sell our attention for profit? What are some consequences?)
2. Within your family, discuss and agree on some solutions that you can all live with. Below are some examples mentioned in the documentary.
Tip: Don’t refer to these as restrictions. They are boundaries you agree to respect--adults as well as kids--in order to protect everyone’s physical and mental health and shared values.
Which of these recommended boundaries can you set?
No devices are allowed in bedrooms at bedtime...or 30 minutes before.
Turn off notifications. Decide for yourself when it’s a good time to check your phone.
Avoid clicking on content that the apps recommend. Choose what you read and watch carefully.
For help setting the parameters, the American Academy of Pediatrics website healthychildren.org takes parents step by step through creating a Family Media Plan.
3. Seek out support for setting those boundaries if you need it. There’s strength in numbers: be part of a unified front by organizing with other concerned adults through your school’s parent organization, athletic team or youth group or even your child’s friend group. Use some of the many resources that are available. Here are some examples:
Common Sense Media offers guidance and tools to help parents and their kids get on the same page about social media and digital citizenship, organized by grade level. This section of their website is aimed at educators, but most of the resources and activities are for family use.
Child Mind Institute has a wide range of research-based articles with action steps for parents on children’s use of media and technology and mental health implications.
Connect with parents by discussing a book, such as Diana Graber’s Raising Humans in a Digital World. The organization she founded, Cyberwise, offers a discussion guide for the book and lots of other relevant resources and activities for parents.
If your struggling to have productive conversations about social media and other hot button topics with your teen, you’re not alone - Village can help. Join me for one of my parent workshops or learn more about the ways our coaching can help support your parenting.