5 Back to School Tips For Distance Learning
It’s hard to believe that the school has already started. For many parents, students, and teachers, it seems like it was just yesterday that we were optimistic about school opening back up in the fall. Sadly, that isn’t the case and isn’t likely to be anytime soon. So let’s check-in.
How are you feeling about the start of the school year? Stressed and anxious? Or maybe you’re relieved and excited? No matter how you’re feeling, just know that you’re not alone. We are in uncharted waters and there is no playbook for how you should be feeling right now.
If you’re a parent, it’s important to acknowledge that your teen may be feeling all sorts of ways about another semester, or year, of online school. Depending on your teen, they may totally be open and honest about those feelings or they made be holding those feelings tightly to their chest. They may not even know how they’re feeling because they’ve been trying not to feel at all.
Numbing out, escaping, and distracting ourselves from reality may sound familiar. (I found myself in a 3-hour TikTok hole this past weekend and I’m 45.) You might notice that you’re exercising more, watching more Netflix, spending more time listening to podcasts, or gardening. We all need some form of escape these days.
What’s important for your teen though, is to know that you (mom and dad) are a safe place to vent, free of judgment. If they get the slightest whiff that you are judging their feelings, they’ll clam up tighter than well, a clam.
If you think you’re teen needs some help adjusting to the new-normal of distance-learning. Here are our top 5 tips:
Structure, structure, structure. Do you remember your 80’s blazer with the giant shoulder pads a la Working Girl? Well, your teen needs even more structure than that. While the school schedule provides structure during the day, teens need help structuring their morning, after school, and evening times. This is a chance for you to come together as a family and talk about values and how to build them into the day. For example, if family time is a priority, make sure it gets built into the structure of their day via family mealtimes. If health is important, make sure that exercise is part of the daily structure even outside of PE requirements. Not just for your teen, but for everyone in the family.
Closely related to structure is setting. Your workspace can either set you up for failure or success. In grad school, we spent weeks talking about structure in a class led by a Harvard Business School professor in grad school. The takeaway? The physical setting/structure/arrangement of a workplace can either lead to success or dysfunction and failure. Subtle cues that you may not even notice really do make a difference. Bedrooms typically say “rest/relax” and offices say “work”. If you have a makeshift workspace for your kids, make it as school-like as possible so their brains know it’s time to focus. You may even find it difficult to work from home. Now take away your pre-frontal cortex. Focus now becomes exponentially harder. Try to eliminate distractions (like phones, pets, and noises). If you can, invest in noise-canceling headphones or earbuds and other “tools” to help support learning.
Self-care. I know this term gets overused, but here’s the deal. We all need self-care. Especially during times of stress and uncertainty. Help your teen identify the activities that recharge their batteries. I always recommend exercise because it releases feel-good endorphins that are hard to come by these days. And you know the story about sleep: teens need 9-10 hours each night. It’s also important to model self-care. If you zone out on your phone or TV at the end of a long day, it’s likely your teen will follow suit. There’s nothing wrong with needing TV or phone time, but model what a healthy relationship with our devices looks like and what it looks like to take care of your health and wellbeing.
Community. It’s hard to feel like you’re part of a community when you’re stuck at home. As difficult as it is to organize, it’s important your teen feels connected to friends and peers outside of the classroom. Perhaps you already have a Pandemic social pod for your child and/or family. If not, consider creating one and organize a weekly “gathering”. Online meetings are fine, but they can’t replace in-person meetings. If you’re comfortable, allow your teen to see one friend each weekend using guidelines to prioritize their health. If your school is organizing online club meetings, encourage your child to pick one or two to attend regularly if they aren’t already.
Habits and routines. This is a good time to reflect on habits and routines that may or may not be serving your teen well. Conduct a habit inventory. For example, when I wake-up, the first thing I do is check my phone. Is that habit serving me well? In some ways, yes - I get updated on the news and start my workday right away. But in other ways, no - I tend to stay on my phone longer than is productive and I start to feel anxious thinking about all that needs to be done. What might be a better habit to develop first thing in the morning? Perhaps, I can meditate for a few minutes to first focus my mind and then spend a few minutes reviewing the daily schedule I created for myself the night before. In order to help me develop this new habit, I need to charge my phone in another room every night in order to not get distracted by it. Do this for all the habits in your life and see what tweaks you can make to your daily routine.
You might be saying to yourself, “I tell my teenager all of this stuff - they just won’t listen to me!” You’re not alone and we hear this all the time. And it’s why we call ourselves parenting partners.
One of the biggest "protective factors" for adolescents is a caring adult who isn't a parent. With the loss of sports, extracurriculars, and in-person school, those mentorship conversations and casual check-ins aren't happening for kids. And they are SUPER important.
At Village Coaches, that's a lot of what we do for our students - provide a place for authentic conversations and support towards their goals.
It's easy to check out during the pandemic. We're helping students check back in and actively participate in their lives. Having another adult to take on the challenges of distance learning with your teen can help lessen the pressure and frustration out of parenting during this unprecedented time. And let’s be honest, we could all use a little extra help these days.
My calendar is open for a free, 30-minute intro call and parent coaching session when you’re ready to learn more.