Tips For Having Difficult (But Important) Conversations
Is it just us, or does it feel like our world is insane these days? As if Covid weren’t bad enough, war, inflation, a mid-term election, and now a slew of mass shootings, the most recent one at an elementary school, has us completely heartbroken here at Village.
I know as parents, your instinct is to protect your kids from all the bad in the world. But the truth is, your kids hear what’s happening and need you more than ever during these challenging times. These are the moments when parents are called on to be present in their child’s lives, to have important but difficult conversations, which may feel entirely out of your comfort zone for some of you. As coaches and educators, we’ve spent our careers having difficult conversations with teens. Here are some tips that can help:
Be mindful of yourself and your child. Take a few breaths and look inside. If you’re agitated when a conversation presents itself, do what you can in the moment so you’ll be less emotionally reactive. Remind them that they might be physically and emotionally drained from school.
Set yourself up for success. Think about where and when you have gotten your child to talk. What times or opportunities seem better and which are worse? Side-by-side conversations are often more effective than face-to-face conversations, so try doing something together (gardening project, walking the dog, getting ice cream).
Allow them to be the expert. So even if it’s your idea to broach a topic, let them show what they know. You might even want to fake ignorance. To give them a chance to show off a little. Here are some ways you might start:
I saw a news story about… Can you help me understand?
How are you talking about [insert topic] at school?
Cultivating curiosity and encourage empathy by using conversation starters like:
I wonder why…?
I wonder where that might come from?
We agree with each other. Whose voices are missing?
In moments like these, we realize that we are not in control. There’s a whole world out there that our children have to reckon with, and it’s not always pleasant. The good news is that by having these conversations, we help cultivate empathy, curiosity, and understanding, helping our kids become better citizens and the next generation of leaders and changemakers.