How to Manage Admission Decisions
It’s happening. Your high school senior is starting to hear back from colleges, and it feels like your heart is in your throat. That oh-so-special mix of excitement, dread, hope, stress, fear, and anticipation is enough to make any parent want to scoop up their baby and hideout on a deserted island for the next six weeks. And don’t get me started on all the parking lot conversations about who’s getting in where and why. Put me in a medically-induced coma, and wake me up when it’s over, please.
And if it’s hard for you, I’m sure you have an inkling as to how hard it is for your kiddo. I’ve been doing this work for a long time, and there are very few kids in my memory who have been able to get through this period stress-free. For many teens, this decision confirms that they’re worthy and determines their future. As adults, we know that a person’s college does not determine their value or success. We’ve seen enough life to know that.
So what can we do to support our teens as decisions come out?
Check our own anxieties at the door. Share them with your partner, best friend, or supportive relative but not with your child. They are looking to you for reassurance that everything will be okay. Put on a brave face and zip those lips, even on days your anxieties are getting the best of you.
Write a letter to your child and remind them of all their outstanding qualities and that their college does not define them. Why do you think they are a good person? How do you know they’ll be successful in life? Letters are a great way to share your feelings with your kids without having them go, “Moooooom!!” They can open them when they want, and they’ll know that your sentiments are genuine and not in response to a disappointment or an attempt to soothe.
When good news strikes (and it will), think carefully about how you want to share it. This is a great conversation to have with your teen, too, as they will have to make similar decisions. Social media is one way, but is it the best? As much as it may feel good to shout out your good news from the mountain top, be empathetic to the families still smarting from bad news. How would you want to be treated if your child gets rejected from their dream school?
Don’t make every conversation about college with your spouse, friends, and child. Find fun ways to engage as a family - get out of your routine, explore a new area, or try something new together. Savor the moments you have together as a family as your teen will fly the coop in just a few months.
Take care of yourself. We tell parents this all the time. You know the spiel about putting on your oxygen mask before putting on your kid’s? The same rule applies here. Take care of yourself to ensure you have enough energy and reserves to care for those around you.
Be gentle with yourself and especially with your teen during this stressful time. And remember, even if your child doesn’t get into their dream school, it doesn’t mean their future is written in stone. Their journey has only just begun.